I’ve been going through quite a painful growth period. This birthday is a huge transition for me. I’m grieving the loss of my freedom, my youth, my care-free lifestyle. I’ve loved my transient life – the dwindling down of my belongings to a bare minimum, shoving what I need to live off of into my rucksack and jumping on a plane to disappear for months, sometimes even a few years! I have seen and experienced quite a lot in my travels. I’ve made friends for life. In fact, I was just ending a period of flitting about when I fell down Half Dome, after which I had to stay put for 3 ½ years – the longest I’ve stayed in one place since my 20s!
My Co-Active Life Coach offered some insight which really helped me to see the big picture. I’ve been unconsciously stepping away from the nomad lifestyle and entering an unknown phase of life. She was hearing dissonance in me and sensed that a big part of me doesn’t want that lifestyle anymore. She intuited that my heart wants to create a foundation, a business, a community but my personality, my sense-of-self, hasn’t lined up with my heart’s desire yet. I felt my ego scream “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” in complete shock. This never came to my conscious mind before. It’s the only Gina I know!
She saw that jumping out of an airplane and celebrating in New Zealand with new-found friends on my 30th was symbolic of all I opened up to in my 30s – Adventure, travel, friends, excitement, fun, expanding beyond my comfort level, bravely facing the world. Skydiving 10,000 feet out of an airplane set the stage for years of self-exploration and grand adventure out in the world. These were very formative years.
What do I want from my 40s? I’ve been pondering this for a long while. I now can see that I want to utilize the awe, joy and vastness of my previous decade as a jumping off point. My 30s birthed a new me and now I want to use my 40s as a means of sinking into the me that I am – to rest in the comforts of security while gleefully expressing who I am. As a dear friend said the other day, I’ve blossomed and it’s time to show the world the fullness of my bloom.