(Names have been changed to protect the innocent :p)
I was subbing a yoga class for a colleague one day this week. As I was standing outside the classroom waiting for the previous class to come out, a woman walked by, looked at my nametag and said “are you subbing for Jane?” I told her I was. Saying nothing, she rudely made an “I’m not going to this class then” face and walked away. I was angry and hurt! I walked after her and said “excuse me, I’m just curious, what about my class isn’t ok for you?” She made some gestures with her body and said “I can’t do all that.” I responded “oh, ok, well that’s understandable. I took it personally so the clarification helps.” She made another face and, mumbling something, walked away.
My current life lesson is to not take things personally. This was a big reminder of that! I tell my yoga students to allow their body to be the wise teacher because they know themselves best. I tell them that I’m one teacher that doesn’t mind if they’re doing something very different than what I’m teaching. I’m merely making suggestions. Listening to the body is key to yoga and vital to the environment I attempt to create in my classes. I start every class by saying, “this is YOUR yoga class. See this as an opportunity to check in with yourself in body, mind and spirit. Take this opportunity to listen in, to take care of you.”
I can’t please everyone. And I can’t expect to be liked by everyone. I’m learning to let that be, to not take it personally and make it something I need to fix. For my entire lifetime, up until now, I cared so much about what others thought of me. I feared disapproval, rejection. I wanted to be liked, loved, valued. I have spent many years undoing that unconscious impulse to be a chameleon, to be green if you wanted me to be green, to change to blue if you needed me to be blue. I’ve done a pretty good job in removing that armor and the last layer is here now to be torn off.
A few months ago, I was going thru a very difficult time in a group I was in. I realized there were 24 of them with so many varying perspectives and opinions. It dawned on me that even tho I was concertedly trying, there was no possible way that I could please all of them! I came upon the “I Don’t Give a F**k” philosophy. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s that I care TOO much! I’ve been practicing not giving a f**k, also known as IDGAF.
IDGAF ~ ID is an element of the ego; Gaff is a hoax, fraud, gimmick; to trick or deceive. Taking things personally and caring too much about what others think is a trick on the ego!
A dear friend of mine, Kate, introduced me to a blog page that speaks to this perfectly. http://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck
He writes about caring too much and deciding how much caring you want to SPEND on various aspects of life. I’m practicing spending my cares on those that I love and things that matter to me. All the rest can go ……….
sent off with love.