Let There Be Magic … and…

Xmas tree 2Since I’m in a Ba Humbug mood this year, I’ve decided to re-post last year’s beautiful message here. I truly do wish you the best this holiday season.

* Let there be magic *

As you celebrate with family and friends near and far ~

Let there be magic.

As you rest and enjoy, sharing and smiling ~

Let there be magic.

As you ponder the year that has passed and conjure up the joys to come ~

Let there be magic.

 Wishing you the Happiest of Holidays,

With Light and Love,

Gina xx

I sat for a long time considering not posting what’s below for fear it would dampen the season’s status quo. But my bravery won out … so…

For those that want to read what’s currently true for me:

I’m not feeling festive at all this year. Life has thrown more lemons my way. This time, instead of instinctively turning the lemons into lemonade, I am learning to BE WITH the feelings that aren’t so comfortable. With the recent breakup and now the news I need to move again, I am feeling depressed, lonely and overwhelmed.

Life is full of ups and downs. Over the years, I’ve learned to quiet the emotions that aren’t as easy. I’ve learned to take care of others instead of honoring and respecting my own state of being. Thus, it’s just easier to be alone. Isolating myself has become a default. I’m trying out what it’s like to continue being in the world while not pretending to be what others want me to be. Instead I’ve been embracing what’s true for me even if it doesn’t sit well with others.

It’s interesting to be out in the world when I’m feeling unhappy. I’m more quiet and subdued, not as eager to engage. If prompted I may share some of what’s up for me but I still see myself downplaying what my heart is feeling even with loved ones. Somewhere along the way, I must’ve invented the story that my emotions bring alienation or rejection.

People know me in a certain light and that’s what they expect. If I don’t show up as my bright, cheery, optimistic self, it can jar how they receive me. The response can be encouragement with a slice of empathy and usually a hefty dose of “don’t worry, be happy” in some form or another. I don’t want to be happy right now… I want to be pissed at life for throwing me more lemons. I want to have a tantrum and cry without scaring people away. Even with only the tinniest ounce of positivity in me, I want to still be held in a positive light.

I’m sure there is a ton to learn here. What this is currently helping me to see is that we need to honor what others are going through by not attempting to change them. We must allow them to be with whatever is true for them and support them in that with a friendly smile or breathing room to share what’s up for them or possibly even allowing some distance. Regardless, trust that they will find their way.

As I wade through the muck, I need to remind myself…

Eventually, this, too, shall pass.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll even learn something.

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2 responses to “Let There Be Magic … and…

  1. Darling girl, so sorry to hear you are feeling low this Christmas. It’s just another day. And you’re right, those feelings WILL pass. I hope you will get some comfort from family around the holidays. I’m sending you all my love and a huge hug xo

    Like

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