As I settle back into California, I am elated at all the conveniences of large town living. I really missed Trader Joe’s!!! and it’s only a 7 minute drive! Although I’m not a city girl, at this stage in my life I am also not a remote-rain forest-population-200 village gal either.
I really love the room I’ve gotten to call home and the comforts here – shelves filled with my books and kitchen supplies, my clothes in the closet and tucked into the dresser, my frames on the wall, my computer and papers on the desk, a little dorm fridge packed with my Trader Joe’s delights, my pillows on the bed etc.
But now there’s dread and anxiety every time I look around my room.
Where is Home?
My living situation is changing yet again. Come April 30th, I will be moving for the 6th time in 3 years. To where? I don’t know. This area is very expensive and I’ve been receiving an exceptional rate due to the kindness of my current landlords who I met thru friends of friends. But things have shifted for them and thus for me.
Everything is unknown at this stage. House sitting? Moving back to my parents? A tent at the nearest camp ground? Moving to a state or country with affordable living? (I keep joking that I may have to move to Arkansas – no offense to anyone that lives there ;p) ).
Here I am continuing to ride the waves… What’s to come next? I have no clue. All I know is that this book needs to come out of me.
It Wasn’t My Time
I nearly died over 6 years ago and I’ve made a strong recovery. Life isn’t going to abandon me now. I have 7 weeks to see what unfolds.
Fear Rearing its Ugly Head
For now, to quell all the fear and uncertainty, I’m attempting to navigate this current hurdle by practicing what I teach: be in the moment, bring awareness into the body, know that right here and now you’re safe, visualize what you want, call upon your Wise Self to lead the way, quiet the thinking mind and listen to the heart…
practice, practice, PRACTICE