Dissonance and self-awareness

Gina-w-half-dome-header-5

As most of you know, I’m writing a book about my Half Dome fall and my progression through healing.

It seems that every time I write for my book, I get to a point where tears come to my eyes as I write. This is such a consistently cathartic process. Kinda unexpected.

Most of my tears are tears of compassion and empathy for those that have been a part of this experience. And a sense of honor, gratitude and joy that these amazing souls are part of my life journey.

And although it’s to a lesser extent, I feel an unconscious sense of dissonance toward all that happened (apparently this is a protective mechanism). When I share my hiking fall story with an audience, I step into a third person mode, as if I’m telling a story about someone I know. This also happens while I write but it seems to subtly sink in to a different awareness – I’m identifying more and more with the me that went through all this. As I continue to own what happened to me, I am experiencing a deep sense of self-compassion. It’s strange though because it still feels like there’s a level of me that is feeling compassion for a different level of me. It’s quite bizarre to be aware of. And, I know it’s also an important phase of my continued healing.

Quite a journey.

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